I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
