Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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