is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
