I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
