OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
pray to the hookup gods
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
