Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
