I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
