I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
