I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You smell like stripper and shame
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
