We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
