shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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