I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
