The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
