he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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