No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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