I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
