who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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