you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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