Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
