We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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