i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
