ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
