i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
