So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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