So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
