He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
