The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
