We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
