They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
