His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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