Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish my penis had an off switch
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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