I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
