dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How's work?
Spinning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
