elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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