There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
