Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
