Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
