I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
