I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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