I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
