look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My dick has a subreddit
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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