I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
