Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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