I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
