I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
