if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
