And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
