No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
