i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
