Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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