remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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