I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
