I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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